THE HUNGER GAMES

The Hunger Games is like, well, it is exciting. You can tell by every single sentence. All the excitement. But it misses its dad, The Hunger Games does. The Hunger Games goes outside. It puts on its boots. Its boots were covered in dog crap, so it had to go outside to put them on because mom is stupid and doesn’t like the boots inside when they smell. The boots are on the Games feet now. They are supple leather. Where is the Games’ bow and arrows? Oh, that’s right: the Games left the bow in the crook of a tree, in the woods, which it climbed just for the hell of it. Dad made that bow for the Games. Dad is dead now. It misses dad. Dad is dead. Mom totally sucks. The Hunger Games feels a million years old literally. The Games needs to go hunting. The Games is hunting now. The Games walks through the woods and listens and totally hunts and stuff. Suddenly, two deer a bear and a walrus walk out into a clearling. The Games healf-heartedly kills all of them with a single boomarang arrow. It’s like a normal arrow, but somehow in the future. Wait, the Games hears a noise: Edward, the vampire, steps out from behind a tree. Hey, baby. Hey. I love you, but I also love someone else. Who, that dog Norton? Nope, that’s not the dog-guy’s name: his name is Jake, the the dog baker. Oh, right: sorry, I forgot what the main characters of Twilight were. That’s OK, Edward. I love you. Uh, Ed, I’m not sure about you: I kind of love you but I miss my dad. I know, baby, I’m jus there to support you in any and every way and let me string you along. Great.

The Hunger Games is back in town now. Where is Jake? Oh, there he is by the building peeing on a bush. Hey, Jake. Hey, Hunger Games. Kiss me? Okay, I will because you’re super hot and I love you. I love your kisses, but I’m not sure if I love you or not: I think I do sometimes, but I also love Edward the vampire. I totally get it; I read those vampire books, too, and I’m on team Edward, too. But you’re a dog! I know, but I’m super generous and loving: can I kiss you again. Okay, sure–no, wait: I just started missing my dad again so I’m going to go back to the woods and be alone. You’re so hot. I know. Bye!

The Hunger Games is now sitting atop a tree in the woods. Suddenly, the Games feels something in its nose. The Games is picking its nose. Now the Games is sneezing. The Games is looking around for a tissue. The Games doesn’t see one. The Games wipes its nose on its sleeve. Wait, where did all the forest animals go? The sneeze was super loud and the forest animals are scared away.