A power outage at a restaurant

A restaurant. A man and wife sit at dinner. The electrical output in the kitchen overloads the circuit and the lights shut off. The couple sit in darkness for a moment before speaking. Man: I wonder how much of a discount this will be? Woman: It depends if you flip...

In which moi disgusts Ewan McGregor

Moi stands at the door of a public bathroom and looks at the sidewalk. Ewan McGregor approaches. Ewan: Man, I need to pee! Moi: Stop. Ewan: What are you looking at, man? Moi: Stop, don’t go any further. Ewan: I need to pee! Moi: Look at the ground: there is a poo...

Oh the English

A bilingual child returns from the beach and talks to her father. Father: How was the beach? Daughter: It was amazing; I swimmed the whole time! Father: Swam, not swimmed. Daughter: And I only left the water once! Father: To pee? Daughter: No, to eat a cake! Father:...

The barber

A man with a gorgeous, wizardly beard enters a barber shop. He has tears in his eyes. Beard: Hi, sniff, I need a shave! Barber: I can see that, Gandalf. Beard: Yeah? I love the wizard look, but… Barber: I can trim the sides; you’ll have a really clean look, my...

In which a homeless man speaks french

A quiet caravan park. A French couple sit at a table next to their caravan. A bottle of red wine stands open on the table between them. They drink. A homeless man approaches out of the nearby shrubbery. Homeless: vin glug glug glug moi? When the Frenchies don’t...