A restaurant. A man and wife sit at dinner. The electrical output in the kitchen overloads the circuit and the lights shut off. The couple sit in darkness for a moment before speaking.
Man: I wonder how much of a discount this will be?
Woman: It depends if you flip the breaker for them.
Man: I imagine we are saving on their electricity bill, so one could make the argument.
Woman: I like the dark.
Silence for a moment.
Woman: You know, I did suggest that we go to the wood-fired pizza place.
Man: I don’t recall.
Woman: Oh, yes, I did, and I wonder if the wood-fired pizza place has electricity.
Man: But, is it wood-fired, though? I thought they sprayed the pizza with wood-fire flavor and use an electric oven.
Woman: That is very cynical.
Man: Well, I don’t know.
Woman: I can’t be cynical sitting in the dark like this on a date night. I just need a candle.
Man: A candle?
Woman: Very romantic, candles.
Man: Are you suggesting what I think you are suggesting?
Woman: No, no, don’t get any frisky ideas; it isn’t THAT dark in here.
Man: Well, obviously we would climb under the table first!
Woman: Obviously, my dear, yes. Oh, these tablecloths are so elegant.
Silence for a moment.
Woman: If only I could see them.
Man: I will ask the waiter if I can speak with his manager. Haha, that will get us a discount for sure.
Woman: First ask the waiter if he is vaccinated.
Man: Haha, “Are you vaccinated, and can speak to your manager.”
Woman: This dinner will be free, you want to bet?
Man: There must be a way we can make that more passive aggressive.
Woman: You could ask “What is that smell?” in between the vaccination and the manager questions.
Man: You mean imply that something untoward happened offstage and the effluvium wafted this way afterward?
Woman: My, my, Ronald, such vocabulary this evening.
Man: It is the darkness, I guess. I… I…
Woman: Forgive me, I made you second guess yourself; a moment ago you were frolicking about like a youth—remembering lost strength, no doubt.
Man: I do like sitting in the dark; I forgot that I’m bald!
Woman: You forgot you are bald?
Man: Yes, for a moment. I just came alive for a brief moment before the sound of your voice brought me back to reality.
Woman: Yes, my poor, dear bald Reginald.
Man: Oh, good, I thought you were going to call me Rene again.
Woman: I would only do that in front of my mother—as you know.
Man: Yes, oh, yes.
A profound silence.
Woman: Haha, I was just thinking that I couldn’t pay you to get under this table right now—not after mentioning Rene AND my mother.
Man: I haven’t said anything for some time now, so I can’t be blamed for anything. Blameless, I am.