In which two old men have a fight

Midmorning. An old man stands outside of a building and eats an apple. A second old man hobbles up the road with a walking stick. Bill: Hey, smoking kills!Jim: This is an apple.Bill: Is it?Jim: Go get new glasses, bitch.Bill: Who are you calling bitch, punk. Bill...

A seventh power outage at a restaurant

Evening. A restaurant. Ask and Embla sit to eat. Ask: Did you see how much blood came out of that man’s face? Embla: He hit his head hard. Ask: He passed out; maybe from the heat. Maybe from something else. Embla: Hush! That’s dangerous to say in public. Ask: It’s...

In which Rufus expresses a concept

Rufus sits sucking a pencil for a few moments before writing. Rufus: Technology has improved how teachers teach and learners learn concepts, but, like, I don’t know because it is like, you know… To express stuff is, what’s that word? Rufus snaps his finger...

A fifth power outage at a restaurant

A man sits at a restaurant table. A woman sits across from him. The power goes out. They sit in darkness. Man: I was walking to the garden today with my hoe on my shoulder. I was thinking about spinach and carrots when a group of cyclists cycled up the road. The road...

A sixth power outage at a restaurant

A man stands outside of a restaurant near a vacant table. After a moment, the waitress approaches. Waitress: Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to retake your seat inside; the cook has turned on the soup signal, so all customers are kindly asked to retake their seats...

In which Ewan again hides from Scarlett

Scarlett punched the brick wall repeatedly until she had made a sizable hole; she reached into the hole for a brick, turned, and knocked Moi across the head. The brick exploded like an asteroid hitting the Yucatan peninsula during the Mesozoic Era. Moi reached up a...

In which Moi reads Wodehouse

Sunset. A lake in the north country. Moi sits on a purple blanket at the edge of the water. An open fire warms a pot of coffee. Moi reads a few different PG Wodehouse novels back-to-back for hours on end, pauses, pours a coffee, and speaks an aside. Moi: I was always...
In which Rufus introduces his cousin

In which Rufus introduces his cousin

I had been in jail for at least twenty-four hours when my cousin Budcock arrived to talk; well, talk isn’t the word because I am nearly a famous artist on the literal cusp of oeuvres of artwork that will just blow the socks off of everyone—even people who listen to...

A fourth power outage at a restaurant

A fourth power outage at a restaurant. A man and wife sit in a restaurant in Europe. Man: Oh, thank god, we can fly to Iceland this summer without regard for covid restrictions; the old normal is back in Iceland. I vote we go there immediately and spread our money...

Overheard on the way to the beach

A Portuguese woman walks to the beach and talks into her phone. Tourist: She’s an American; she wants the enormous kitchen. Yes, it looks like a morgue. So what? She likes it; she wants stainless steel everywhere and the deep drawers that hide dead bodies. And the...

A covid patient reads Plato

Afternoon sunlight shines through a window into a bedroom; a covid patient sits reading in the sunlight on the bed. Patient: Well, I finally have my answer. How many years ago did I write that question on Quora asking about why America’s two party system was creating...
Socrates interviews Ben Shapiro

Socrates interviews Ben Shapiro

Ben Shapiro sits for an interview with Socrates. Socrates: Hey, thanks for joining me today. Ben: Happy to be here. Socrates: I’ve been listening to your social commentary and find it lacking in a good measure of truth. You’ve definitely expressed one of the many...

The swing

A ten-year-old swings from a rope swing hung from an oak tree in rural Idaho; he talks to himself: Ten-year-old: Gosh, I really like to swing; I swing so much some days that I get sick. What is that sickness? A motion sickness? What causes that sickness? Is something...

A bit of Rufus

My mentor, Dermot Dermot, came into the Teacher’s Assistant rooms and yelled at me yesterday; I don’t know if he was having a bad day or if it got bad when he saw me standing atop the cubical wall. I thought it was an overreaction on his part because the cubical walls...

The republic

The Republic. Socrates stands before his troupe of Greeks and lectures at length about the perfect society. Socrates: All fiction stories must have a strong moral in which the good is rewarded and evil punished; if not, society will decay and die. Glaucon: Well,...

The soup

An apartment building. Sylvia stands outside the door of 37a and rings the bell. She holds a soup pot in her hand. After a moment, Kathy opens the door. Kathy: Hi! Sylvia: We finished your soup! Kathy: Oh, good; did you like it? Sylvia: Oh, of course! Kathy: The pot...

A Rufus Wooster narration

If you are like me, you know what it is like to wash up unconscious on the beach with sand in your undergarments and have a beautiful Italian woman resuscitate you vigorously. If you are not like me—and I seriously doubt that you are like me in any way—, then you will...