Rueful negotiation

Rufus walks into a seaside restaurant and sits at the bar; his aunt’s boyfriend Lucky Strike walks over. Rufus: Hi, Lucky, man am I hungry! I’ve been making artwork all morning on the beach! Lucky: You’ve been making artwork? Rufus: Yeah, and I’m super hungry! Lucky:...

In which Rufus sleeps under Dermot’s desk

Dermot Dermot hung up the phone as gently as possible with a delicate push of his thumb. He even said, “No, no, thank YOU officer,” as if he appreciated the call from the FBI agent about the missing handgun. He leaned back in his limo seat and ran a shaking hand over...

In which Johnny asks for lemon and syrup

The philosopher’s cell mate, the local drunk Johnny, stands in the jail cafeteria and waves a hand at the cook. Drunk: Excuse me, darling! Cook: I’m a dude, man. Drunk: I knew that…? Cook: What? Drunk: This gruel is great; I love it; could you add a slice of...

In which Moi offers helpful observations to a small human

A school; Moi approaches as a small human cries wildly near the door. Moi: Hey, little tiger, why are you crying? Small human: My m-mommy is so selfish! Moi: It isn’t any of my business, but I have some helpful observations, which I would love to observe upon you....

In which the fuddy-duddy talks to a student

The fuddy-duddy sits in his office at the university; a student walks into the room. Fuddy-duddy, under his breath: Oh, god. Student: Hi! Fuddy-duddy: My office hours, as yet, have not begun; please, if you will stand outside the door for another moment…? Student: Did...