A tourist enters reception and approaches attendant.

Tourist: There is a man spraying my doorstep with Glyphosate. Under Portuguese law, all chemical treatments must accompany a written notice posted in sight of the public announcing the presence of the chemical and the date of application.

Attendant: You are a tourist; how do you know anything about Portuguese law?

Tourist: A thing called the internet; I read it often.

Attendant: Well, let me assure you: the chemicals are very weak and gentle.

Tourist: Gentle to whom? Won’t the plants die upon application?

Attendant: Death is too strong a word; “inhibit growth” is the preferred marketing lingo.

Tourist: Haha, inhibit growth! You would have me believe the chemicals passive aggressive! And the plants emotionally stunted after treatment!

Attendant: Passive aggressive lawn care; what a lovely idea.

Tourist: The plants will flower, sure, but they will have intimacy problems in adulthood.

Attendant: Ah, now I understand why you read on the internet so much!

Tourist: These poor plants won’t be able to trust the bees; and, don’t get them talking about how mean their parents were. If only they had been born into a different neighborhood! Etcetera!

Attendant: If only they would go on vacation in a different country! Etcetera!

Tourist: Can I talk to your manager?

Attendant: I am the manager and owner of this resort.

Tourist: Can I talk to a philosopher, then? One who will tell me when Western society will implode, shrivel, die, and pass out of human knowledge?

Attendant: I don’t know; have you looked on the internet for one?

The end.