A wizard walks into a shopping mall with a ball of plasma atop his wizard’s staff. He approaches a group of people loitering in a corridor.

Wizard: Behold!

People: Oh, god, what is that guy doing? Call the police!

Wizard: I am here to teach you all how to wield the flame of Anor; with this flame, you will be free from electricity bills, rising fuel costs, and exorbitant internet service provider fees. Behold, as I teach you the highest science!

People: Does your staff have wifi?

Wizard: This plasma is an electromagnetic mirror; you can shine any electromagnetic signal at it and broadcast that same signal, so, yes, the staff has wifi. What is more, if we each have a staff, we can each broadcast an internet connection to one another.

People: How will I insure my staff? Does the staff has an UL number? It doesn’t look safe: an open flame is illegal in many states. Won’t this burn down my house? I’m super afraid of electricity!

Wizard: No, I have not registered this wizard staff with the government; no, the staff does not have an UL number. No, insurance companies will not insure this staff. Yes, you can burn down your house if you are stupid.

People:Well, I’m not stupid, which is why I’m not going to use a staff like this! I don’t care how great it sounds. I have to have insurance; if anything happens to my stuff, I have to get my money worth.

Wizard: Are you people insane?

People: You are the one dressed as a wizard, you fucking Gandalf wannabe.

Wizard: These clothes are a portable Faraday cage around my body; I am wearing the hat and cloak as protection against atmospheric discharges of enormous magnitude. I’ve woven wires through the hat and cloak, see?

People: That’s what I’m saying: I don’t want any discharges near my house—other than the ones that come out of my own ass. Haha! I’m calling the police right now because of this asshole with his plasma balls in the middle of the mall discharging gases.

Wizard: So even though each of you can learn to make a wizard staff like this one and use it to free yourself from various oppressive situations in our modern world, you will not because you are cowards, enslaved to your televisions?

People: Lazy and fat, bitch, is what I am, you motherfucker. Shut up so we can shop in peace, bitch. Can you guys get the wifi signal? I think his plasma ball is disrupting the wifi. Oh, god, I need the wifi now, now, now!

Wizard: I beg your pardon! Who are you calling bitch?

People: You, man, you are crazy walking around like Gandalf with your plasma balls talking about discharging gases.

Wizard: I sincerely thought someone here would be interested in my invention. Don’t each of you desire to step out boldly to voluntarily confront the unknown so you can gather information and build your renewed self?

People: No, man, I want to buy shit. Buying stuff is how we renew ourselves, duh. Everything has already been discovered already. And, you can’t get electricity from the atmosphere—everyone who studies physics knows that. This plasma ball we are seeing here is just a trick of the eyes, probably. Yeah, yeah, this isn’t real and you are a liar! Go back to Middle Earth, bitch!

Wizard: Wow, I guess I misjudged society.

The wizard turns and walks out of the mall.

The end.