Ewan McGregor approaches with a smile and gives Moi a big hug.

Ewan: It is SO good to see you again! How have you been?

Moi: Oh, you know… We stayed in some houses for a year during quarantines, but we are living in our van again. Traveling around like old times until we are ready to sail our yacht again.

Ewan: Liar! You always understate the truth; tell me, truly, what’s happening? What are you doing? Give me, give me; I need, I need!

Moi: I’ve built an independent power supply that runs off the atmosphere; next, I’m building a portable kiln and sauna for my van. Heating water is inefficient, so I decided to heat the air, make myself sweat, and bathe in cold water afterward.

Ewan: And, what is the kiln for?

Moi: Oh, that’s so I can replace all plastic items in my life with geopolymers. I’ve learned to use the sol-gel method to turn silica gel and an aluminum soda can into a reactive clay. I need the portable kiln to bake the clay at seven-hundred and fifty degrees Celsius and then I’ll have created synthetic metakaolin clay.

Ewan: Oh, god, that is wonderful.

Moi: My next project will be to build a portable air well for my boat.

Ewan: What is an air well? And, you have a boat!

Moi: Essentially, it is a dehumidifier with an attached water filter. You just dehumidify the air around you and drink the water afterward. You’ll have little in a dry area, but a lot in a humid area. The goal for an ocean passage is to make one liter of water per person per day, so that’s about four liters a day for my family.

Ewan: Can I buy you a beer somewhere? I want to know more about these projects! Particularly this independent power source: can you mount the thing on a motorcycle? I love motorcycles and would love to drive using a ball of plasma.

Moi: I don’t drink alcohol, Ewan; but, I can drink an orange juice or a tea, though.

Ewan: Hold on; I need a second.

Ewan bends over with his hands on his knees for a couple seconds and breathes deeply as he recovers from this shock.

Ewan: thought I was going to vomit; that was a shock; I wish I had the willpower to do what you do everyday. I need you in my life, Moi!

Moi: I’ve been considering becoming a life coach; maybe we could schedule a weekly meeting together?

Ewan: That would be a dream! But how will we connect if you are sailing? Or are you in a van? I’m confused!

Moi: My boat is usually within range of land wifi. She is moored in a river in Portugal right now.

Ewan: It must be marvelous to travel around like you do. I wish I could, but that’s the price of fame. I can’t step out of my house without people flagging me down for a signature. I’m essentially in prison.

Moi: With a private jet.

Ewan: That does help, but…

Moi: And, you’ve traveled extensively on your motorcycles.

Ewan: Blah, not as much as I’d like; but, yes, I’ve circumnavigated the earth on a motor bike.

Moi: And you have the money to pay for that kind of thing; you are worth, what, twenty million?

Ewan: Yeah, yeah, but that’s all locked up in stuff, so…

Moi: The private jet.

Ewan: What we did was to make a movie about the bike trip and that paid for the trip.

Moi: Oh, I see what you did.

Ewan: It was my wife’s idea; very clever. Now she wants me to learn to fold my undergarments per her instructions.

Moi: I have that problem, too!

Ewan: She wants me to fold my shirts in three folds so that the collar and buttons are centered down the middle and the folds are on both sides—like in a shop. She even wants my undergarments folded in threes. Socks, too. Bloody hell, my socks?

Moi: In rebellion, I’ve started to wad all my clothes into a little ball and toss them into my drawer. Even the ones that are already folded, I whip them out, wad them, and toss them back in; I believe it important to keep my marriage exciting.

Ewan: Your wife gives you a drawer! I don’t even have a drawer!

Moi: That’s rough.

Ewan: Yes, married life really is rough, man, but there are always ways to keep things light and fresh. I could really benefit from your life coaching. Are you free to life coach me? I would love that! Please, please, please!

Moi: Yeah, for you, I wouldn’t even charge very much. Just a couple thousand dollars or so.

Ewan: Whatever it takes!

Moi: We could just have a phone call once a week.

Ewan: Ah, that’s good. I love the phone and calls and talking to you. This is really going to help me, I know. Thank you so much! Oh, god, this is going to be great!

Moi: It is my pleasure, Ewan! I would love to help an old friend!

Ewan: Can I have a hug?

Moi: I guess, yeah!

The end.