The philosopher’s cell mate, the local drunk Johnny, stands in the jail cafeteria and waves a hand at the cook.
Drunk: Excuse me, darling!
Cook: I’m a dude, man.
Drunk: I knew that…?
Cook: What?
Drunk: This gruel is great; I love it; could you add a slice of lemon peel while cooking it tomorrow?
Cook: No.
Drunk: The lemon peel imbues the gruel with a lovely lemony overtone. Light and fresh. Really lovely.
Cook. I said no.
Drunk: I have a second, but related, question.
Cook: No.
Drunk: Do you have any maple syrup?
Cook: No.
Drunk: This gruel, with a drop of maple syrup, will be just top.
Cook: No.
Drunk: I have an idea to make the gruel more creamy, too.
Cook: My gruel isn’t creamy?
Drunk: Did you use milk or water?
Cook: I used water.
Drunk: Just an idea, but I think milk could make all the difference.
Cook: Huh.
Drunk: Vegan milk, though, not cow milk; lactose,, no-no; plus, you know, cows are mammals like… your mom. And my mom, too!
Cook: What is a vegan?
Drunk: It is like a vegetarian only better.
Cook: What is a vegetarian?
Drunk: Are you joking?
Cook: No.
Drunk: A vegetarian doesn’t eat meat.
Cook: That’s not possible.
Drunk: Yes, it is.
Cook: What do you think that gruel is made of?
Drunk: Oatmeal and water.
Cook: Haha, really! Oatmeal?
Drunk: Yes, oatmeal.
Cook: What is oatmeal?
The end.