The philosopher’s cell mate, the local drunk Johnny, stands in the jail cafeteria and waves a hand at the cook.

Drunk: Excuse me, darling!

Cook: I’m a dude, man.

Drunk: I knew that…?

Cook: What?

Drunk: This gruel is great; I love it; could you add a slice of lemon peel while cooking it tomorrow?

Cook: No.

Drunk: The lemon peel imbues the gruel with a lovely lemony overtone. Light and fresh. Really lovely.

Cook. I said no.

Drunk: I have a second, but related, question.

Cook: No.

Drunk: Do you have any maple syrup?

Cook: No.

Drunk: This gruel, with a drop of maple syrup, will be just top.

Cook: No.

Drunk: I have an idea to make the gruel more creamy, too.

Cook: My gruel isn’t creamy?

Drunk: Did you use milk or water?

Cook: I used water.

Drunk: Just an idea, but I think milk could make all the difference.

Cook: Huh.

Drunk: Vegan milk, though, not cow milk; lactose,, no-no; plus, you know, cows are mammals like… your mom. And my mom, too!

Cook: What is a vegan?

Drunk: It is like a vegetarian only better.

Cook: What is a vegetarian?

Drunk: Are you joking?

Cook: No.

Drunk: A vegetarian doesn’t eat meat.

Cook: That’s not possible.

Drunk: Yes, it is.

Cook: What do you think that gruel is made of?

Drunk: Oatmeal and water.

Cook: Haha, really! Oatmeal?

Drunk: Yes, oatmeal.

Cook: What is oatmeal?

The end.