Moi sits at a table in a café. Ewan McGregor stands awkwardly nearby and chats with Moi. Leonardo DiCaprio approaches up the street and, seeing Moi and Ewan in the café, knocks on the café window.

Ewan: Oh, god, don’t look up, Moi!

Moi: Why?

Ewan: Oh, no; he saw us!

Leo waves and knocks on the café window. Then he yells loudly.

Leo: HI GUYS! WHAT ARE YOU DOING? ARE YOU HAVING A COFFEE TOGETHER TODAY? I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT DRINKING A COFFEE, TOO; DO YOU MIND IF I COME IN AND JOIN YOU FOR A COFFEE? I REALLY LOVE THIS CAFE, DON’T YOU GUYS? AND IT IS JUST WONDERFUL TO RUN INTO YOU BOTH BECAUSE I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU GUYS! I DON’T HAVE MANY FRIENDS!

Leo enters the café and approaches the table.

Leo: I NEED TO HANG OUT WITH SOMEONE SOON, OR GO CRAZY!

Ewan: Leo, please don’t yell inside of the café.

Leo: Oh, I’m terrible sorry; I get nervous around other guys—guys who I respect, and admire, and just want to be like, you know?

Leo sniffs the air.

Leo: And even smell like if I can help it—is that, by the way: What is that cologne you are wearing?

Leo sniffs Moi.

Ewan: STOP SNIFFING HIM!

Moi: Moi?

Leo: Yes, I’ve never smelled that cologne before; what IS that?

Ewan: He won’t tell you! I ask him that question all the time, but he won’t tell—

Moi: I distilled an essential oil of helichrysum italicum, which I call immortelle, which is the French common name for the plant.

Leo: Oh, my god, immortelle! I can see why Ewan is awkwardly standing beside your table! Do you want anything: another coffee? I have money: I’m a PAID actor.

Ewan: I’m a PAID actor, too; and, I wasn’t standing here awkwardly!

Leo: Some more cookies? A couple more muffins?

Ewan: I bought him a muffing, so he doesn’t need any more muffins, Leo!

Leo: I wasn’t talking to you, Ewan!

Ewan: I don’t care who you were talking to DiCapricorn.

Leo: It is not Capricorn! It is Caprio

Ewan: I know your name, you big boob!

Leo: Oh, I see, you were being offensive!

Ewan: Yes, I was being offensive!

Leo: Haha, I didn’t even notice until you told me!

Ewan: Yes, you did! You knew I was being offensive!

Moi covers his face in his hands.

Leo: No, I didn’t!

Ewan: Yes, you did!

Leo: No, I didn’t!

Ewan: Hush! Hush! Look at Moi!

Leo: Come outside with me!

Ewan: No, you come out side with ME!

The two guys exit the café to argue outside.

The end.