Night. The front lawn of Moi’s house. A shadowy figure stands under Moi’s bedroom window. The shadowy figure holds a guitar in one hand and tosses pebbles at the glass with the other. After a few sharp clicks of the pebbles against the glass, Moi opens his bedroom window.
Moi: Ewan, is that you again?
Leo: No, it is me!
Moi: Who? Is that Ewan?
Leo: NO! It is me, Leo!
Moi: Who?
Leo: You know, Leonardo DiCaprio?
Moi: Who?
Leo: I’m an actor. A PAID actor. I met you for coffee yesterday and bought you two cookies, a second coffee, an orange juice, and a magazine.
Moi: Oh, yeah. What’s up?
Leo: I wrote you a song.
Moi: Look. Leo, isn’t it late at night and outside of my house, and, generally, inappropriate in every way?
Leo: Yeah, I get it; I can respect your opinion about all that, but you haven’t heard my song yet. Once you hear my song, you’ll change your mind.
Moi: Well, I guess I’m flattered, but I guess I’m not flattered, too. Do you know what I mean?
Leo: JUST LISTEN TO MY SONG! I mean, just, please, listen to my lovely song that I wrote today and spent all day practicing so that I could sing it to you below your window! Okay?
Moi: I’ll listen on one condition, okay?
Leo: No; no! No conditions! My song is unconditional! UNCONDITIONAL!
Moi: Leo, listen—
Leo begins strumming his guitar and begins singing to Moi:
Far over the misty mountains cold
To dungeons deep and caverns old
We must away ere break of day
To seek the pale enchanted gold.
The dwarves of yore made mighty spells
While hammers fell like ringing bells
In places deep, where dark things sleep,
In hollow halls beneath the fells.
For ancient king and elvish lord
There many a gleaming gold hoard
They shaped and wrought, and light they caught
To hide in gems on hilt of sword.
Ewan: HEY!
A second shadowy figure—Ewan McGregor—jumps out from behind a bush and rips the guitar from Leo’s hands.
Ewan: HEY! You didn’t write this song!
Leo: How dare you!
Ewan: This song is from The Hobbit!
Leo: How dare you interrupt my serenade! Give me my guitar this instant or—or!
Ewan: Or what?
Leo attacks Ewan who swings the guitar wildly. The guitar shatters across Leo’s head and the two guys lock in a violent grapple, fall to the grass, and roll around grunting like wild pigs. Moi shuts his bedroom door and turns out his bedroom light.
The end.