The dairy aisle of a supermarket. Moi stands silently reading the back label of a yogurt tub. After a moment, he silently reads the back of a second yogurt tub. Ewan McGregor quietly approaches and whispers:
Ewan: Um, excuse me, Moi, I can’t help but notice that you are reading the back of that yogurt tub and, well, the long story short is that I don’t recommend that yogurt: I recommend this yogurt instead—
And Ewan selects a third tub of yogurt and offers it to Moi.
Moi: IT IS YOGURT! YOGURT! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!
Ewan looks embarrassed.
Ewan: Well, duh, I don’t care about the yogurt, Moi; I care about YOU! I want you to have strong bones AND strong gut bacteria so that your digestion is always optimal. This yogurt has real blueberries and has been fortified with extra calcium, which will keep your bones strong as you begin to age—not that you are showing any sign of age—in addition to the pro-biotic cultures, okay? I want you to have strong bones because strong bones will ensure that you live your best life. Even if I have to follow you as you walk away from me down the dairy aisle and past the registers and outside to your car, I don’t care! Okay? I don’t care and I don’t care who sees me or who knows that I care about what yogurt Moi buys and if Moi has strong bones and a wonderful, complex intestinal flora! I WANT THE WHOLE WORLD TO KNOW ABOUT MOI’S INTESTINAL FLORA!
Moi gets into his car and drives away.
Ewan: I JUST WANT WHAT’S BEST FOR YOU!
After a moment of standing alone in the parking lot, Ewan sighs and says:
Ewan: Someday, I’m going to grow up and be just like that man!
The end.