A beach. Full sun. Nearby, a green flag waves in a light sea breeze. Soft waves lap at the seashore. Rufus sits in the sand near a naked woman. Rufus’ back is to the woman. His eyes are firmly closed. Tears roll down his cheeks.

Rufus: No, no, I won’t!

Mother: Turn around, Rufus!

Rufus: No, I can’t! I won’t!

Mother: You came out of this body and, by god, you are going to apply tanning lotion to it.

Rufus: No, no! I won’t; I can’t! Don’t make me!

Rufus cries softly.

Mother: Squeeze some lotion into your hand. Go on; do it.

Rufus squeezes some lotion into his hand.

Rufus: Stop! Don’t make me!

Mother: That’s my good little, Rufus. Now, reach over here and rub that lotion on my back.

Rufus, keeping his eyes firmly shut and his face turned away, reaches around awkwardly and attempts to place the lotion on his mother’s naked back. Rufus’ hand lands in the sand a few times as he feels his way to his mother’s naked back.

Mother: I don’t remember bringing an ex-foliating cream; Rufus, hand me that cream bottle.

Rufus: I can’t!

Mother: You are worthless! Give it to me now!

Rufus opens one eye just enough to spot the bottle and toss it over to his mother. The bottle hits her in the head.

Mother: Ow, Rufus! You just hit me in the head!

Rufus: You deserve it!

Mother: I pay your rent and all your school bills.

Rufus cries softly and continues to rub the lotion.

Mother: You drank at these breasts for five and a half years, Rufus. Do you remember the conversation we had when I convinced you to stop feeding at the dug?

Rufus: Dug! Dug? Just stop it! Stop all of this, okay?

Mother: Teat, dug, breast.

Rufus: Don’t say it!

Mother: Udder.

Rufus: I told you not to say it!

Mother: Udder!

Rufus: Why are you being so mean to me!

Mother: You drank from these teats until you were five and a half years old; people don’t believe when I tell the, but it is true. One day, you came home from school and you said you didn’t like the taste of my body lotion but preferred when I use almond oil on my skin and that was the day I said, “No more milky for Rufy; if Rufy big talky, Rufy no drinky.”

Rufus: I don’t remember anything you are talking about!

Mother: And for a week afterward you lapsed into baby talk.

Rufus cries softly to himself with his back turned towards his mother.

Mother: That’s actually a great idea, though: to add in some activated microplastics to the sunscreen to act as a flavor enhancer and exfoliant. Make a note to tell Pechuga about this new product idea.

Rufus stops applying lotion.

Rufus: Your back is finished. Can I go now?

Mother: Oh, no, you have to do my buttocks and legs, too.

Rufus: No! No! No!

Mother: My buttocks is in wonderful shape, Rufus. Have no fear!

Rufus: I will not put lotion on your buttocks, mother! I can’t! I won’t!

Mother: Rufus, we’ve been through all this already. Pick up the lotion bottle.

Rufus: No!

Mother: Rufus, pick up the lotion bottle.

The end.