Jail. The incarcerated philosopher and Johnny enjoy a bottle of wine in their jail cell. The philosopher sits on the bed and Johnny sits on the cement floor. Johnny finishes telling a story. Johnny: …that’s what she said. The philosopher laughs long and hard. Johnny: Those “That’s what she said” jokes don’t get old, do …
Continue reading “Johnny pitches a movie idea to the philosopher (12)”
Johnny and the unvaccinated philosopher sit in their jail cell. Johnny on his jail cot and the philosopher on the floor. Philosopher: I had a dream about you. Johnny: Haha, that’s not something you want your cell mate to say. Philosopher: Ah, yes, now that you mention it; I can see what you mean. The …
A jail cell. Johnny sits on the cell cot. The philosopher sits upon the toilet. The interviewer stands at the bars of the cell and points a pen at Johnny. Reporter: In a recent interview for GQ you mentioned that you are twenty years ahead of your audience. Johnny: That interview was like twenty years …
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Flashback. Johnny’s kitchen. Johnny prepares sauerkraut with this ex-wife. The two stand at a table and chop cabbage. Johnny is naked but wearing a tasteful pink apron. His ex-wife is naked, too, and also wearing a pink apron. Soft elevator music plays in the background. A bottle of wine and two full glasses stand near …
Continue reading “In which Johnny dreams about his ex wife (incarcerated philosopher 9)”
Philosopher: I miss your giggle; when you came here—the first couple of nights that you were here—you giggled all the time! Johnny: I can’t giggle anymore; I lost the little spark of je ne sais quoi which gave me my effeminate charm. I think it was when my ex-wife pooped on my bed. She said …
The philosopher’s cell mate, the local drunk Johnny, stands in the jail cafeteria and waves a hand at the cook. Drunk: Excuse me, darling! Cook: I’m a dude, man. Drunk: I knew that…? Cook: What? Drunk: This gruel is great; I love it; could you add a slice of lemon peel while cooking it tomorrow? …
Continue reading “In which Johnny asks for lemon and syrup (incarcerated philosopher 7)”
The local drunk sits on his jail bed and thumbs his phone. The philosopher paces the cell; suddenly he turns on the drunk accusingly: Philosopher: You are an actor! I’ve seen your face on a movie poster! Drunk: Who, me? Philosopher: You are Johnny Depp! Drunk: Moi? Philosopher: Yes, I’m sure of it now! It …
The philosopher sits on his jail bed. His cell mate, the local drunk, stands in the corner thumbing a phone. A bitcoin miner enters the jail and approaches the cell bars. Miner: Are you the philosopher? Drunk: No, I’m just here for the food and the wifi. Philosopher: To whom do I owe the pleasure …
A philosopher sits in a jail cell and pontificates at his cell mate. Philosopher: The concept of herd immunity is ridiculous and reveals the weakness in our public health. I mean, there is no such thing as herd immunity; there is individual immunity, yes, and, by extension, groups are immune, but it is the individual’s …
Continue reading “In which a philosopher lectures his cell mate (incarcerated philosopher 4)”
A park bench. A man sits and drinks a box of wine and talks to himself. Kids play nearby in the grass. Man: I always thought I was better than other people, but I saw the error of my ways—early on, very early. I was like, ten-years-old; haha, man, I was precocious in those days. …
A quiet caravan park. A French couple sit at a table next to their caravan. A bottle of red wine stands open on the table between them. They drink. A homeless man approaches out of the nearby shrubbery. Homeless: vin glug glug glug moi? When the Frenchies don’t respond, the homeless man, who obviously doesn’t …
Blog utopia continued The philosopher spends the night in jail for driving without insurance and resisting arrest, which he will contest in court later because it was really a small existential misunderstanding. His head is bandaged. Philosopher: Well, my spouse was right. As I was bleeding on the pavement from the head wound the officer …
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A philosopher drives his spouse through the countryside on a Sunday afternoon. Philosopher: I should write an essay about utopia. Defining a utopia helps one define one’s own personal ideal; of course, reaching an ideal in this life is impossible, but it would be a good project to define the terms that I personally find …