In which Rufus expresses a concept

by | Jul 11, 2022 | Comedy, historio-tragicomedy

Rufus sits sucking a pencil for a few moments before writing. Rufus: Technology has improved how teachers teach and learners learn concepts, but, like, I don’t know because it is like, you know… To express stuff is, what’s that word? Rufus snaps his finger...
In which Rufus introduces his cousin

In which Rufus introduces his cousin

by | Mar 3, 2022 | Comedy, historio-tragicomedy

I had been in jail for at least twenty-four hours when my cousin Budcock arrived to talk; well, talk isn’t the word because I am nearly a famous artist on the literal cusp of oeuvres of artwork that will just blow the socks off of everyone—even people who listen to...

A bit of Rufus

by | Feb 16, 2022 | Comedy, historio-tragicomedy

My mentor, Dermot Dermot, came into the Teacher’s Assistant rooms and yelled at me yesterday; I don’t know if he was having a bad day or if it got bad when he saw me standing atop the cubical wall. I thought it was an overreaction on his part because the cubical walls...

A Rufus Wooster narration

by | Feb 11, 2022 | Comedy, historio-tragicomedy

If you are like me, you know what it is like to wash up unconscious on the beach with sand in your undergarments and have a beautiful Italian woman resuscitate you vigorously. If you are not like me—and I seriously doubt that you are like me in any way—, then you will...

Rueful negotiation

by | Oct 20, 2021 | Comedy, historio-tragicomedy

Rufus walks into a seaside restaurant and sits at the bar; his aunt’s boyfriend Lucky Strike walks over. Rufus: Hi, Lucky, man am I hungry! I’ve been making artwork all morning on the beach! Lucky: You’ve been making artwork? Rufus: Yeah, and I’m super hungry! Lucky:...

In which Rufus sleeps under Dermot’s desk

by | Oct 19, 2021 | Comedy, historio-tragicomedy

Dermot Dermot hung up the phone as gently as possible with a delicate push of his thumb. He even said, “No, no, thank YOU officer,” as if he appreciated the call from the FBI agent about the missing handgun. He leaned back in his limo seat and ran a shaking hand over...

In which Rufus attempts to paint in the park

by | Sep 11, 2021 | Comedy, historio-tragicomedy

A park. Rufus stands at his easel to paint a picture; the canvas is blank. Inspiration will come soon, I’m sure. A dog approaches and poops. Rufus, mumbling to himself: I don’t know which color to select today: do I feel like painting something from my blue period, or...

In which Dermot asks Rufus a question

by | Aug 16, 2021 | Comedy, historio-tragicomedy

Dermot asks Rufus a question: Dermot: Rufus, do you remember the name of the girl who would sit in front of you in Introduction to Postmodern Existentialism? Rufus: Beatrix? Dermot: No, no, no; Beatrix was the goth who sat at the back near the door. Rufus: Candice. I...

In which Rufus and Dermot talk between bars

by | Aug 16, 2021 | Comedy, historio-tragicomedy

Dermot stands near Rufus’ jail cell lost in thought for a moment. Dermot: I can never remember the name of my office assistant! Rufus: Kevin? Dermot: Isn’t it Basil? Rufus: Huh, for sure it is one of those names with vowels and concordances around the vowels. Dermot:...

In which Rufus sings Opera

by | Jul 31, 2021 | Comedy, historio-tragicomedy

Rufus: Opera singing can’t be that hard. You just have to raise your voice to a great volume, and then wiggle your voice around like this: I AM SINGING PASSIONATELY ABOUT MY LOVE, MY LOVE, MY LOVE, MY LOOOOOOOVE! A shoe flies through the open window and hits...

In which Rufus meets Camões on the beach

by | Jul 27, 2021 | Comedy, historio-tragicomedy

Rufus fell off the boat and floated for some time before the ocean current brought him to shore. He crawled out of the water and lay on his back in the sand. After a while, an old man approached Rufus and stuck him with a walking stick. Old man: Are you alive? Rufus:...

In which Rufus joins his mother at the beach

by | Jul 23, 2021 | Comedy, historio-tragicomedy

A beach. Full sun. Nearby, a green flag waves in a light sea breeze. Soft waves lap at the seashore. Rufus sits in the sand near a naked woman. Rufus’ back is to the woman. His eyes are firmly closed. Tears roll down his cheeks. Rufus: No, no, I won’t! Mother: Turn...

In which Rufus meets a gypsy in Portugal

by | Jul 20, 2021 | Comedy, historio-tragicomedy

Dermot ran an absent-minded hand in a small circle around her bellybutton. “The gypsy girl is a waste of your time, Rufus. You should come back to New York City with me.” Rufus raised his leg and rested his foot between the bars of the jail cell. He pointed at a...

Rufus buys creams

by | Jul 15, 2021 | Comedy, historio-tragicomedy

Rufus walks into the body-lotion shop. Rufus: Do you have activated-microplastic cream? Worker: Yes, we sell activated microplastic cream. What kind of creams would you like? Rufus: Oh, well, I don’t know. I want to cream everything. Worker: What specifically will you...

In which Rufus’ books are burned

by | Jul 10, 2021 | Comedy, historio-tragicomedy

Rufus’ mother had returned from a few weeks away in Los Angeles and the detox had taken sundry effects. She had not decided any particular dramatic revenge upon her son until after she and her boyfriend entered the living room and found themselves standing on a...