Rufus: Opera singing can’t be that hard. You just have to raise your voice to a great volume, and then wiggle your voice around like this: I AM SINGING PASSIONATELY ABOUT MY LOVE, MY LOVE, MY LOVE, MY LOOOOOOOVE! A shoe flies through the open window and hits Rufus in the head. Rufus, continued: I …
Monthly Archives: July 2021
In which proto-Rufus discusses song lyrics with his mother
Blog in which the proto-Rufus discusses music Boy: I hate this song. The boy removes his headphones. Boy: The lyrics are a lie; it is not true that “where you spend your love, you spend your life.” Mother: Are you talking to me? Boy: No! No, just continue doing… whatever you are doing. Mother: I’m …
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In which protoRufus talks to his mother about Bob Dylan
An apartment. Rufus: Mom? MOM! MOM! A muffled voice answers. Rufus: MMMOOOMMM! His mother enters the room. She wears rubber gloves and carries a plunger. Rufus: Are you cleaning the bathroom again? Mother: Why, yes, I am. What is it? Rufus: Have you ever listened to Bob Dylan? His music is just something else. Mother: …
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In which Rufus meets Camões on the beach
Rufus fell off the boat and floated for some time before the ocean current brought him to shore. He crawled out of the water and lay on his back in the sand. After a while, an old man approached Rufus and stuck him with a walking stick. Old man: Are you alive? Rufus: Is this …
In which Rufus joins his mother at the beach
A beach. Full sun. Nearby, a green flag waves in a light sea breeze. Soft waves lap at the seashore. Rufus sits in the sand near a naked woman. Rufus’ back is to the woman. His eyes are firmly closed. Tears roll down his cheeks. Rufus: No, no, I won’t! Mother: Turn around, Rufus! Rufus: …
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In which Rufus finds his trousers inside the wrong caravan
The ocean is a capricious lover. Only the most stalwart of sailors can love her passionately and for life. Although Rufus thought himself stalwart, passionate, very much a great lover of women, and for his whole life, which would incline us all to believe him capable of the passionate love for the sea which characterizes …
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In which a tourist visits a Weiwei exhibition
A tourist approaches a group of photographs that depict Weiwei flipping off various famous buildings and landscapes. The tourist herself raises her own hand and flips off the photos of Weiwei flipping off famous buildings and landscapes. The tourist uploads the photo to social media. Soon afterward, the phone pings excitedly because people like the …
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In which Rufus meets a gypsy in Portugal
Dermot ran an absent-minded hand in a small circle around her bellybutton. “The gypsy girl is a waste of your time, Rufus. You should come back to New York City with me.” Rufus raised his leg and rested his foot between the bars of the jail cell. He pointed at a global positioning system anklet …
To be or not to be awkward
Two guys sit at a beach café and discuss the word awkward. 1. The word awkward is difficult to define. 2. No it isn’t; it just means that expectations aren’t met. 1. I disagree; I think it is difficult to define. In English, one’s whole identity could be awkward; one can be an awkward person, …
Rufus buys creams
Rufus walks into the body-lotion shop. Rufus: Do you have activated-microplastic cream? Worker: Yes, we sell activated microplastic cream. What kind of creams would you like? Rufus: Oh, well, I don’t know. I want to cream everything. Worker: What specifically will you cream? Rufus: Which parts of my body? My face, neck, chest, arms, hands, …
In which Rufus’ books are burned
Rufus’ mother had returned from a few weeks away in Los Angeles and the detox had taken sundry effects. She had not decided any particular dramatic revenge upon her son until after she and her boyfriend entered the living room and found themselves standing on a sticky spot of the floor. “Where should I put …
The well: the stone door
Teresa and Irene walked up the stairs together and stood in front of a stone door. Hieroglyphics covered the door. Teresa: Where does this stone door lead? Irene: To your house. Teresa: No, it doesn’t. Irene: Yes, it does. Teresa: No, it doesn’t. Irene: Yes, it does. This continued for some time. Teresa: I just …
The well part two
Teresa walked on stage and danced three of the dances; as she reached the far edge of the platform, during one of the more provocative gesticulations, the platform gave way below her and Teresa half fell and half slid off the platform and into the sinkhole that had formed below. It all happened in a …
The well
Teresa: I won’t do it! Uncle: It will be a couple minutes. Teresa: Wearing this outfit? In public? For even a second will destroy everything I’ve done over the past lifetime! Uncle: This doesn’t matter; when you are my age, you won’t remember today at all. Teresa: My friends will laugh at me and they …