I am about to start telling you a story. It will be very similar to one that Dickens would tell you, but before I begin, this whole situation of telling stories reminds me of my grandfather who always told me that if I take the time to do anything, I should go it right the …
Monthly Archives: January 2022
In which a banker talks to a mechanic
A banker enters a garage and approaches a car under which a mechanic works. Banker: Hello? Hi, Dave! Do you remember me? We talked on the phone last week and scheduled an appointment for— The banker looks at his watch. Banker: For ten minutes ago. You see, the idea was that we would arrive here …
A discussion about yellow laundry
Dad: Where is my yellow shirt? Mom: It is still dirty. Dad: Why haven’t you done the yellow laundry yet? Mom: I can’t; I don’t have a full load. Dad: Well, get a full load; wash some clean yellow clothes. Mom: Not until your daughter wears her yellow clothes; then, I’ll do a load of …
In which Moi speaks an aside to the audience while waiting in line at a grocery store
A grocery store. Moi waits in line near a showcase of books. He reads the titles aside to the audience: Moi, aside: Oh, these books look wonderful! Wow! Here we have a book entitled “Adolescents: how to diminish your teenager’s resentment of you as much as possible.” I love the mixture of How To and …
In which Moi meets Scarlett for the first time
A café. Dawn. Moi sits and reads a play by William Shakespeare. Ewan enters the café and runs to Moi’s table. Ewan: Hide me, quick! Moi: What’s going on! Ewan: No time! Hide me! Moi: Under the table! Ewan crawls under the table. Immediately afterward Scarlett Johansson enters the café, pauses, looks around, and approaches. …
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Two-four-five minutes
The middle of the night. Daughter (from her bedroom): Papa? Papa? PAPA! Papa (half asleep): Huh? Daughter: When is it going to be morning? Papa: Don’t worry; you’ll know when it happens. Daughter: How long? Papa: Two-four-five minutes. Daughter: Okay. They both go back to sleep. The end.
Baa?
A mother sheep grazes outside of the fence near a country road. Her baby grazes nearby. A truck approaches, frightens the baby, which jumps under the wheels of the truck and dies. The mother sheep stops grazing, walks to her baby sheep, and bleats “why” three times: Sheep: Baa? Baa? BAA? The end.
In which a woman asks about spanking
A kitchen table. A woman sits with various pamphlets in front of her. She makes a phone call. Woman: Hi, hello, yes, very well, thank you. I’m calling because I want to put my father into a home for old people. Yes, yes, that’s right; old, old, old. Well, I was reading over your literature …